1.08.2006

Hung Up


I think I just lost a battle with a pile of hangers.

I moved out of my house the first of November and have been living somewhat nomadically since then (In pursuits of buying a house... not because I thought I'd like to wear on people's good graces for a while). I have been in one place for a month now and just decided to set up one of those temporary curtain rods that expands. I hung up my clothes. This instead of continually placing them back in the rubbermaids they were stored in, once again negating the nice dryer-fresh scent they had acquired from a nice wash and taking on that warm and cozy smell of... rubber. mmm. nice.

My hangers were at the Anderson's, who I'd like to give a congenial shout to for storing my crap longer than they had planned. I went to get them and there it began. Hangers, unlike no other thing on this earth, i think, can challenge one's mental stability. AND no other entity understands solidarity like our main character, the hanger. These devils stick together. Sometimes just in two's or three's. Most often in large packs. They do not like to go silently... or alone...

I managed to get my clothes hung up, but not without a fight. I had reached for one and just when I thought it was emerging without tether, I discovered a nasty web of metal maze that needed acute attention. They're very needy, these hangers. I tried reaching for some of my larger plastic ones and the necks broke under the burden and strain of tugging at them. They can hold my wet wool winter coat, but they cannot withstand a slight pull out of their lair... That's not bad design, that's intentional belligerence.

When I was hanging up my pants, I reached for strong metal ones that have clips on them. They're open ended at the length of the triangle. This posed a whole other issue adding a new dimension to the tangled. This variety could attach itself to any of the others and unite, not only because they had more open ended lines of metal but also because they could now inadvertantly become clipped to the other hangers.

Granted, these things are trying to be freed from a box, but it's the same business in the closet. They get caught in some intimate overlapping position which makes you wonder what's really going on in the closet. Or they clip on to one another getting clips caught because one hanger swung wrong as you pulled the garment off. Also, maybe a hanger began to fall and got caught grabbing on for dear life to another hanger (they're all very frightened of the undusted abyss that lies below... as we all are).

Of course, shaking them doesn't work. Oh sometimes you might get a weak one that wasn't prepared, but overall, they know what you're trying to do and most often, I think, this makes them angry and so they hold on tighter.

But they know you need them and they know your clothes would just stay on the floor, in the chair, on the dresser, or wherever else they fall, clean or dirty, if you didn't have them at your disposal. I know most of you do that with your clothes anyway but I don't think you do it with the excuse of "I'm just a clothes thrower..." No... I think you simply lost a battle with hangers once, too, and just aren't ready to admit that, perhaps, a nasty row with an inanimate object is something you lost. You'll feel better when you come to terms with this I think.

I'm a bit spent from that encounter. There's still a box of the hangers left over, taunting me, in the hall. They're still in a rather messy state. They know what they're doing and that annoys me. I had to walk away. I have to tell myself I'm not alone in this because, well, I don't believe I am. This is comforting. But does anyone have a better design in mind or does the ugliness just continue?

14 comments:

Brock Sheets said...

Jenn,

I am fully convinced that all of the hangers currently conspiring against me are actually re-incarnated ink pens!! This is the only explanation to the surplus of the former and the never-ending drought of the latter! There you have it. When naughty ink pens run away and get lost, they turn into the purest form of evil - the hanger!

-Brock

Jenn Swift said...

Thank you for your understanding, Brock. And yes, the pen is quite bad... I have many a-ruined piece of clothing by such instruments of evil... and I'm pretty sure those pieces of clothing are hanging on reincarnated hangers in the closet. The garment gets reunited with the pen/hanger and says... "yes... we have come full circle, haven't we."

Kerri said...

Jenn, you make me laugh. Thank you. I am sorry to say that I have no solution for you. I have experienced similar situations myself, and have purged my life of wire hangers altogether. But it doesn't mean that the thicker ones aren't capable of causing me grief, either. My favorite move of theirs is when I pull a sweater off the hanger and then it defiantly flings backwards and flies off the rod onto the floor, or my foot. I wish you the best, my friend.

Bethany said...

Sometimes, when I've had a really bad day at work, or I'm just stressed...I go into my room, turn up some Paradigm 5, and throw my hangers all over the place yelling, "You'll never take me alive!!" It doesn't work, but I haven't thought of any other good stress relievers yet, so I'll keep doing it until something better comes to mind. (Kidding, but I hope it made you laugh...you could imagine though, eh?) Hang in there girl...Ha Ha

Get it...Hang...Hangers...I think Bill Cosby told a joke about Hangers once, when he was singing with Ray Boltz at Praise Gathering...I think? Take care my dear friend. Missing you lots!

Aaron said...

That is quite possibly the longest post (and only post) on hangers I have ever seen. Also fitting would be Christmas lights.

darci said...

Jenn...this is a Seinfeld episode waiting for Kramer to come on the scene. Yet, I have to say, even though moved by your literary prowess and artistic genius...I just kept feeling like I wanted to run away. No more hanger talk. By the way your crap can stay as long as it likes. Also, I could hook you up with some of those silky, padded hangers from fine department stores. Maybe you need to focus on quality...not quantity or the hangers in your possession.

Josh and Cammie Delph said...

Our entire closet pole fell this past summer because of all the clothes hanging in it. Seeing Josh with power tools trying to fix it was quite the scene.

Peter W. Heck said...

Now why did you have to go and bring Ray into it, Bethany? Seriously...for bringing his name into disrepute, you deserve a beating...with hangers.

Josh and Cammie Delph said...

wire hangers.

Josh and Cammie Delph said...

Use twisty-ties to organize them in bunches of 10-20 before placing them in the box for a move!

Aaron said...

"Use twisty-ties to organize them in bunches of 10-20 before placing them in the box for a move!"

OR throw them out when you move, like I do each year with my Christmas lights!

Jenn Swift said...

Aaron, you're such an American! Gosh... consuming everything in sight!!! No wonder you're such a frikkin giant!

aaron said...

Hey, I recycle!

Krista Marie said...

i love you. this reminds me of, "Can I siiiinnnggg???????"