Of Course it Did

It's been cold. Really cold. I woke in a fog the other morning hearing the guy on the radio say that the windchill was -35. I watched something the other day about people in Antarctica that were taking core samples in -48. How was it that my life in Illinois resonated so closely with those so far south on the lattitude lines? Something wasn't right.

My car doesn't do well in the cold. It's about 11 years old. It's a lovely little Green Jetta. But it's so ornery around this time of year. It takes some time to start, the locks freeze shut... it takes some effort to coerce it into cooperation on days that are cold. It takes some particular coercion on days that are -35. It was the night before that announcement, when the temperatures were rapidly descending, that I had an incident.

A couple nights ago leaving one of my teen's plays my locks froze. I put the key in the door to turn the locks and, though the locks lifted, they didn't unlock. I have learned this also takes some persuasion so I persisted. I prevailed about 10 minutes later.

However, the night of falling temperatures... this was the night. This was the night I tried to unlock my car and there was no hope. This was the night that the cold was a bit too biting. This was the night that it was really late and I was just really tired. All of these factors would've just simply been annoying... had I not actually have been IN MY CAR when this was all happening.

My car was in my driveway. I could see the house. I knew my bed and warmth and a nice cup of tea were just feet from me... and I could not get to them.

My response started as a clipped, "No... this is unacceptable. No... I will have none of this." As it escalated over the next half hour, there were brief moments of colvulsiona and few "ARE YOU FRIKKIN KIDDING ME's!?!?!?!?!". More than a couple,
"JESUS! WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME!?!?!?!", and a various assortment of...
"Why am I seriously locked in my car? This is the most retarded thing EVER!!!"
"Jenn... you are actually locked in your car. Your car has chosen this night to eat you. How does this make you feel?"
"You are sitting in your own driveway... held hostage by your car."
"All I want is to be in bed"

This random stream of monologue could've continued for hours had it needed to have. I am an only child - I have often been the only one available to talk with regularly for the past 31 years. I do this.

It was about 1am... "I can't call anyone" I thought as I looked up at my sunroof, wondering if I'd fit.

I tried rolling down the window but realized that even if I did crawl out of it... how do I get the window back up?

I tried, at least, reaching through the window and pulling on the door handle from the outside. Nothing.

I tried all the doors thinking I'll just crawl out... except NONE of them were cooperating. In addition, my seat wouldn't lay back for me to climb over it cause the crank was, yes, frozen.

I tried driving around for a while hoping the door would warm up.

I tried...

Finally! one door became willing; the back passenger. Luckily I suck at putting things back where they belong because my front passenger seat was still fully horizontal due to needing to transport a keyboard for a few weeks two months ago. I crawled and contorted over the items that regularly reside in my vehicle and managed to land with two feet on the ground and standing fully upright as I exited the vehicle.

And just because I knew... just because I wanted the aggrivation... because this was, of course, how it was going to go... I went around to the front and grabbed the handle of the drivers side door... and effortlessly opened it.


Anonymous said...

That is quite amusing! ah yes, I remember a few tussles with the jetta in the cold weather. I'm actually looking around for diesel vw's to do some biofuel tinkering, but got to find a decent place for it to stay first. Aaron and I discussed those virtues over some glasses of soy-diesel.

Kerri said...

Jenn, that story would only be more entertaining on this Friday afternoon if someone had been there to videotape it. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but glad you shared. (I also can relate to the only child monologue...you'll get no judgment from me, my friend.)

The Chinlund Family said...

Oh Jenn, how awful. And I am an awful friend, because your story made me laugh. I'll bet you weren't laughing at the time though. You could've called Chad down at the fire station, he could've come and let you out of your car :)

Jessica said...

i'm dying laughing. where was your good roomate? i can just hear you talking to yourself...and i have a few other siblings and i still talk to myself...perhaps that tells us something....

mi*chelle said...

Wow...only you... :) This great story can only be matched by your unique way of telling it for us all to experience with you.

Libby said...

Oh, wow Jenn! I never knew you to show such erratic behavior:) haha I would have been doing the exact same thing, however! Glad you're alive girl.

Jesse, Jess, & Corban said...

I love it! This is hilarious!! Well, I'm sure it's more funny to you now than it was that night:) I especially like the conversation you had with yourself. For real, cars should not eat people. It's just wrong.