Doin what I can to keep it all together

I'm so all over that.

I was at the bank today. I needed it to be a quick trip, so obviously that's not how it was going to go.

It was really busy in the drive-though lanes. I waited back in the single feeder lane to see which one opened up first. I thought I was good when I moved ahead. This should've been an omen. I chose the worst lane. Remember the scene in "Office Space" where Peter's on the way to work and the lane he squeezes into stops. The lane next to him starts moving. He switches lanes and the reverse happens. I chose the worst lane. I watch the two cars that were behind me get through their respective lanes in no time. Again, this should've been an omen.

I finally get to my space age high efficiency vacuum tube that will take my money to the nice people behind the bullet-proof glass. I take the cartridge out. I put my mullah in. I try to set the carrier back into the tube... it flies out of my hand (as many things do) and lands in the next lane over and rolls under the mini-van next to me. I'm in shock. This doesn't happen... well, clearly it does, it did, but it shouldn't.

Of course I can't get out of my car because I have done such a fine job of getting right up close to my vacuum tube that I am trapped. I must move up. At that moment the "I hope no one saw that" idea changes to "crap, I hope the person behind me saw that or else when I move up they will too and then I have to wait in line again.. and I've lost my money." Seems they did. I moved, they didn't.

I get out of my car and after some random hand motions that probably looked as thought I were attempting to land a plane, the nice lady in the mini-van one lane over backs up just enough for me to see my yellow cartridge that is holding my money hostage. Well, I've interrupted her transaction, she can't back up any more and yet, I can't quite get to my cartridge. I had to get down on the ground and I felt like I was playing Twister. "Right hand, oil spot. Left foot, grime pile" But I got the container.

I rush back to my vacuum, throw the cartridge in, hit "send carrier", get in my car, back up, breathe. This was ridiculous. I can't believe I did this.

This is the story people were telling around the dinner table tonight.


Jess said...

I can just picture it...I wish I could have seen it. PS: how come i've not made the blogger friend list on the right? I comment often..shouldn't taht count for something? :)

kate said...

i just appreciate this so much.

Dan & Angie said...

Delightful Jenn. Simply delightful.

Um ... why don't you use the ATM?

Jenn Swift said...

Well, Dangieland, I lost my bank access card. I was putting money in and to do so at the ATM, you need the proper card. Glory, it's been lost for ages.

Todd & Micah said...

Underneath my laughter, I really do feel for you.

worshipful1 said...

It's great...and you have penned it so eloquently...or would that be typed it so eloquently? Love it!

Holly said...

I really am starting to think we were sisters switched at birth. This kind of thing happens to me so often it has become un-blogworthy! (Is this actually a word??)

TheGaffords said...

So, Melissa tells me, "You just have to read Jenn's blog!" I seriously just laughed out loud for the first time at a blog. Time has somehow made me forget how wonderful of a storyteller you really are! I'm still telling all of the stories that you gave us from your camp travels back in college. While inappropriate, the Fuggin family has to be the most famous of them all. You're the best!

Holly said...

OK- I just had to comment again. No joke, at lunch today I stopped to deposit and check and wouldn't ya know it... Those slippery suckers! Really Jen, I'm not kidding. I was laughing so hard I could hardly bend over to reach under my mini-van!!!

Jenn Swift said...

Dave, the Fuggin's are a good family. You should leave them alone!

Holly, that's just really fantastic. Talked to Josh this week. Thinking about coming up this weekend. May see you then!